Perspective & Praise

I believe this whole journey has a purpose.  I am still not certain that I fully understand or realize the impact of the lessons its yielded, but I have garnered several insights lately: 

1.  Sing praises.  I am definitely not the one to preach on this subject.  If I have done anything over the past year, it's been complain...just ask my poor husband (although he will probably graciously deny this).  From trying for so long to being sick, the last thing I felt like doing was praising God for anything going on.  To be quite honest, I had more than my fair share of moments filled with total bitterness (complete with bawling and anger...on my part, not God's) for how everything was playing out.  I have been searching for ways to make sense of it all.  I have many friends that are currently or have been recently "with child" that never tried and have yet to spend one night on their bathroom floor or strapped to machines in the hospital.  They have been able to bounce happily from one trimester of pregnancy to the next.  Call me petty (I'll admit it), this really irked me.  I was reading a devotional today and I came across this verse:  "Sing to God, sing praises to His name; cast up a highway for Him who rides through the deserts; whose name is the Lord, and exult before Him" Psalm 68:4.  For some reason I felt like I got slapped in the face with this verse (maybe this was God's way of responding to my anger).  No, I haven't had the easiest pregnancy, BUT we're expecting a little boy this month!  A year ago I truly did not believe this was possible and we were quickly running out of options.  So sick or not, thanks God!
2.  A little humility goes a long way.  I'm the oldest.  So it comes as no surprise that I'm Type-A, OCD, controlling, and completely independent.  I have always taken pride in being able to stand on my own two feet.  I would help anyone in a heartbeat, but I absolutely detest accepting the same gesture from others.  Again, slap in the face.  After MONTHS of sheer incapacity, I finally allowed my parents to come over and help with the baby's room.  I couldn't physically do it, Phillip was working 60 to 80 hours a week and picking up my slack around the house, and the things on my "To Do" list were piling up.  My parents spent an entire weekend here slaving away in the nursery (with their grand-dogs keeping guard at the door) making everything perfect for Emory's arrival.  One of my good friends came to spend the weekend with me.  I realized how fortunate I am because despite the fact that I hated needing the help, I have parents in my life that can and are willing to do things like this for me.  Through no fault of her own, my friend doesn't have this same "luxury" (although after seeing my mom at work she is wanting to have her come by for a visit as well).  I'm blessed with two wonderfully loving parents, three grandparents that are all within close proximity, and an in-law family the size of the Duggars...all of whom are willing at any moment to drop their lives to help us.  My friends and family have blessed us with gestures like the nursery completion, showers (despite one having to be canceled - sorry Jenni and Meredith), and love! 
3.  New friends come from all sorts of places.  I know that we have been on countless prayer lists from all over the world (and we are SO very grateful).  It wasn't until recently that I started to grasp how huge this was.  I had taken a call at the florist from a lady.  Every year during Valentine's Day week she prepares food and brings it to the florist.  She doesn't go to church with any of us nor is she a close friend of anyone's, but it's a gesture that she has continued for years.  I have actually yet to meet her, but know her name well.  She called the florist to ask how I was doing.  Since I was there, my dad offered to let her speak to me.  She told me about how long she'd be praying for us and that she would continue to do so.  How touching!  I have never even seen this woman.  Why would she bother even checking in?  My parents know most of the county (and my dad will somehow find a common relative between most anyone he comes in contact with), but I've met so many wonderful people that have blessed our lives through prayer and support over the past few years. 
4.  Vanity...well, it's a dangerous trap.  Self-image problems have always plagued me.  I think I am a normal American female in this regard, however.  Since dating Phillip my looks didn't bother me as much as they had previously.  My oh my, how pregnancy can change that!  I failed to gain weight until the 6th month of this little endeavor, and at that didn't look terribly pregnant until the 8th month.  However, my body has apparently decided to kick it into overdrive these past few weeks.  Everything from swelling to stretch marks all rearing their ugly heads at once.  I'm learning to laugh at these things.  The stretch marks I tried to fend off as best I could, but alas I lost that epic battle.  The swelling, well at least it's warming up so flip flops are becoming a bit more appropriate.  Plus, everyone knows a lady with a set of cankles is irresistible.  :-)  It's all temporary (I hope) and it's one step closer to holding this kid with the Beyonce butt that's bouncing on my gallbladder right now.  While I might not be the cutest pregnant thing walking around, I'm proud I made it this far!
5.  Finally marriage becomes a lot less romantic, but much stronger.  How could it not?  Poor Phillip has held my hair back as I've been sick more times than I can imagine over the past few years.  There is nothing sexy about a pregnant waddle.  You can't help but laugh when you have to request assistance in tying your own shoes.  Phillip has sacrificed the more comfortable portion of his wardrobe to my growing belly the past few months...and has done so without complaint.  Shrinking wardrobe selections and impending bouts of sickness force your social life to be placed on hold, so your couch and the craving of the night become the staple.  It's nice to be married to someone that can look at you and make you laugh, no words needed.  There are so many more examples, but I have to say that as much as our differences drive me nuts sometimes I am one lucky lady to have such a wonderful man! 

I am sure I have more to learn, but I thought these tokens of wisdom were worth noting...even if it's more for my memory than your amusement.  :-)