Living Out Loud

Being honest is always something I've prided myself on doing.  My husband is much the same way.  Sometimes we are brutally honest, but at least neither of us are hiding behind a veil of secrecy.  This whole baby phase caused me to re-evaluate the way I approach honesty, and when/how we allow people in our lives to know intimate details.

The problem is that a lot of the fertility issues we faced prior to getting pregnant left a strong sense of guilt lingering over my head.  None of the issues were under either of our control, but the problems were with my body and not Phillip's.  I can't express how much guilt I felt (and still feel) over this fact.  Either way, I have been ashamed of our problems instead of rejoicing in them as a way to bring glory to God.

I had been quite fearful that people would see our blog or listen to our problems and judge me for them.  Perhaps that was an irrational fear, but I judged myself so I could only assume others would do the same.  I don't care anymore though.  I am slowly realizing that this is a part of our story.  I believe that our child will be all the more special to us for the struggles we had to endure.  Maybe this was a way God used to better prepare us for parenting.

In any event, I talked to Phillip and we decided to make the blog public.  If you know someone struggling, feel free to share.  I did not have many people to talk to during this whole battle and I believe it is because so many people endure it in painful silence.  (For those precious few, you know you are my angels and I don't know where I'd be without you.)  If we can be a beacon of light or hope, then I want to put our story out there (regardless of the consequences).

Thank you for all of your prayers and support.  Keep 'em coming!

P.S. - According to thebump.com, this week the baby is the size of an avocado.  :-)