Project 31: Day 12

I am not sure I should be allowed to write this post today.  This week has been one trying week.  I feel like I'm digging my feet in and praying for everything to stop falling around me (I've got a flare for the dramatic).

Today's prompt is to write about what wears me out as a woman. 

I can deal with physical fatigue.  I'm a champ.  I can rally around those sleepless nights and keep my productivity levels sky high.  I can do all the menial tasks that befall a housewife.  I can even tolerate some lengthy days with a teething baby.

I can't deal with rejection.  I'm not talking about a job rejection.  I'm not talking about a door slammed in your face when you're trying to sell the latest vacuum cleaner system.  I'm talking about personal rejection.  I find myself trying to determine whether people will like me based on what I say or do.

Lately, I've determined that I just don't care.  Maybe it's exhaustion.  Maybe it's indifference.  Maybe it's maturing past this superficial phase in life.  Whatever the case, I'm sorry, but now there are more important aspects of my life.

Here's an example: I started to put a Bible verse up today on facebook.  No big deal right?  I actually found myself second guessing whether I should do that because I may upset people that don't share my beliefs.  Everyone wants to be like don't they?  I have friends and family members that are so far from my belief system that we may as well be night and day.  I decided I don't care.  I'm not rude to them.  They don't have to believe what I do (although, I will say that my God is an awesome God).

So why do I care about people that seldom interact with me?  Rejection is personal.  On any level it feels like a sucker punch to the gut.  Maybe this is universal, but I feel like women worry about this more.  Men aren't emotional creatures.  We are.  I find myself vested in people (despite their lack of presence or impact in my life).

I started a Bible study this month.  I've had this nagging feeling for a while.  I contacted a bunch of ladies that I knew in the area.  Some I had not spoken to in years.  I didn't care.  I felt a calling.  Guess what?  I had some "no thank yous".  I had some "maybes".  However, I had a lot of "YES you have no idea how much I needed this" as well.  The group of ladies that meet in my home every other Thursday are awesome!  Rejection, for once, didn't win. 

I'm tired of carrying that burden around with me.  I promise to like you for whatever you are and whatever you believe.  I hope you feel the same towards me.  If not, that's ok.  I'm from the South, I know how to kill with kindness.  ;-)