Project 31: Day 26

Realizing now that I didn't exactly finish strong, I do want to go back and complete the last few days that I missed.  Let's just say that starting a whole lot of jobs and stuff around our house has been crazy.  So, I can't promise this will get done in the next five days, but it will get done...eventually.  :-)

Day 26: What do you hope your grandchildren will say about you one day when you are gone?

This is a bit too deep for my liking.  :-)  Don't get my wrong, I definitely want to leave a legacy worth remembering.  However, I'm trying to not think so much about tomorrow.  Instead, I'm giving it the ole college try at living in the moment (responsibly speaking, though).  Here's about as far ahead as I've thought:

I want Emory to realize that he is a priceless gift from God.  I hope our grandchildren will know the same.  I want to commit to raising him in the shadow of the cross.  I don't want to teach oppressive religion though.  I want our children and grandchildren to have a healthy fear of God, but more than anything I desire for them to live a life of abandon in Christ. 

I considered (for much longer than I care to admit) getting a tattoo across the inside of my wrist with the word "undignified" written in.  I love this story in  II Samuel of King David.  He didn't care who saw him worshiping the Lord.  He didn't worry about what his neighbors would think of him.  His worship was for God.  His song, his dance, his HEART was for Christ!  I want my legacy to be like that.  Our children and grandchildren (and maybe we'll be lucky enough to be around and see some great-grands) will know that we are committed to God. 

In lighter terms though - I want them to read!  I love books.  Reading is a gift.  I don't think kids in America truly appreciate how precious this gift is.  I also want them to laugh.  I want them to find the small things in life and relish them.  I want them to feel loved.  I want to hug them as tight as I can.  I have a rather independent baby when it comes to snuggling and it breaks my heart.  However on those rare night when he's wanting to just be held and hugged tight, I jump in with both feet and LIVE for those moments.  I want them to see a marriage that works.  Phillip and I aren't always perfect, but we have fun, we laugh, we love, and goodness knows we have shed a tear or two.  I think it's important for our kids to know these things about us.  It's even more important for them to see us pray together to overcome hardships.

I realize this might be scattered, but that's my life/brain right now.  Here's to hoping I leave something worth remembering.  What impression do you hope to leave behind?

Project 31: Day 24

Day 24:What is Jesus teaching you presently?

TRUST!  You see, I have an issue with trust.  I don't trust anyone.  Ever.  It's sad, but true.  I always expect the worst out of a person.  I suppose, in a way, that it's a defense mechanism.  If you always expect to be disappointed or let down then a person can't truly hurt you.  Makes perfect sense (or at least it does to me)!

Lately, I'm learning that the key to a relationship with Christ is trust.  I THINK that I know what's best for my life, but He KNOWS with utter certainty what I need.  Sometimes I may need to experience pain to see the light on the other side.

I know last week I had my meltdown over Emory's lack of development, but at the end of the day I looked at how far God has brought our family.  From infertility, through years on drugs, through a horrible pregnancy, and into this blessed thing called parenthood.  If He can do all that then surely gaining a few pounds is the least of my worries.  So I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and started feeding that baby.  Maybe it's not what I want to feed him, but I'm sure there is a lesson behind all of this.  I just have to TRUST!

What are you learning in your walk with Christ?

Project 31: Day 23

For Day 23, I am suppose to write about my strengths/weaknesses.  To spare you what could potentially turn into a book on my personal imperfections, I'll list the top five of each.

Strengths

• Intelligent/Witty
• Caring
• Devoted
• Honest
• Meticulous

Weaknesses

• Pessimistic
• I like to control situations in my life (ask God, He's sick of me taking the reins back from Him all the time).
• Easily annoyed by minutia 
• OCD (Yes, it can be good and bad.)
• Too independent

Project 31: Day 22

Day 22. What are some needs that need to be met in your community? Blog about how to extend your hand to those who need you.

I'm really excited about this prompt.  Some of you know that a few months ago I reached out to many friends in the area.  I've felt the Lord tugging at my heart for a while about starting a Bible study.  I have to say that it was quite a leap.  It's intimidating putting yourself out there like that.  I was shocked at how many people jumped at the opportunity to join the study...and bring friends.  We have so much fun meeting.

Aside from the obvious purpose of the Bible study, I really felt compelled to make the group about giving back as well.  We all know that the economy is bad, but I think everyone sacrificing a little can add up to a BIG difference.  I didn't want it to be all about organizations I wanted to support.  I think people have different passions for a reason.  Therefore, at each meeting a different individual is responsible for coming up with our outreach project.

Our first meeting I chose to suggest Christmas cards for kids awaiting sponsorship through Compassion International.  At our second meeting another one of our ladies (you can check out her blog here) wanted our group to donate needed items to Matthews HELP Center.  It was great.  All of us brought 5 or more items.  Do the math!  I'm still waiting to find out about our next project, but we're also due to help Turning Point in November.  This is one of my favorite aspects of our new Bible study. 

Also, I just have to throw this in, I picked up the labels today for Operation Christmas Child.  This is something I want to do with Emory every single year.  He might not understand it this year or in the coming few, but I want him to grow up knowing that despite our inability to give him everything he WANTS, we give him everything he NEEDS and so much more.

How are you helping those around you?

Project 31: Day 21

Day 21: Write a letter to your husband to encourage him.

We get along swimmingly.  Can't you tell?

Sweet P,

You have changed my life in so many ways.  I know we laugh about most everything, but in all sincerity you are my rock.  You are the person I lean on when everything else is crumbling around me.  Something about your silent steadfast spirit sends waves of comfort over my soul.

You are your son's best friend.  He adores you (and the gray patch).  I feel so blessed to watch the two of you interact.  I love seeing the way he looks at you.

I know you try to be the man God wants you to be for both Emory and myself.  I realize this is a journey both of us have to take together.  I hope to be the "ezer" in your life that God created me to be.  I can't wait to watch you grow and lead our little family.  I love you...more than you love Clemson.

I know you feel the same way.  ;-)

Forever yours,
Me

Project 31: Day 19 & 20

Day 19: Write about your favorite comfort food. 

Y'all!  I am Southern to the T on this one.  I can't make my own favorite meal though, but that probably bodes well for the waistline.  I don't necessarily have a comfort food, but I def have a favorite "auto-pick-me-up" kind of meal.  Drum roll please...

Chicken 'n Dumplings and Lima Beans

I can't make a good tasting batch of this to save my life (this was my last and final attempt).  Oh my goodness, they are heaven though!  Love love love!

Day 20: Write about your job and why you love it or hate it.

I don't know that I have one particular "job" so to speak.  I consider my primary responsibilities to be Emory's caregiver and Phillip's companion.  I also work as a contracted tutor.  Lastly, I work managing the books for my parents' business. 

It sounds like a lot, but total all of the paying jobs only equate to about 10+ hours outside of the home each week.  Emory goes with me to the florist, so that doesn't really count at all.  Tutoring is more of a blessing for me than a gain for my students.  I don't tutor wealthy kids.  I work through two different programs, but I love seeing the potential in some of these little ones! 

I LOVE my job as Emory's mama!  I get to give him kisses all day.  I get to watch him discover his own voice, his own feet, and his own hands.  I get to see him converse with his giraffe.  I don't miss these things by being away from him.  It's SO rewarding to know that he's being cared for by the couple that loves him the most!


As per being Phillip's companion, that's not a shabby position either.  I love that we get to spend time together in the mornings.  I wish we could have dinner tonight in the evenings, but you make it work when you have to.  We get to laugh and hang out while the rest of you people head to work!  It's ok to be jealous.  :-) 

I feel like I have jobs every where, but each of the hats I get to wear serves a special purpose in my life.  God has blessed me richly in these areas.  I can't wait to see what else is in store!

Project 31: Day 18

I'm getting very sophisticated on you folks for this one.  The challenge for Day 18 is to describe my personality.  I think maybe I've been around Emory too long because the first thing that popped into my mind was an acrostic poem!  Remember those from back in the day?!

K - Kind to those in need.
R - Reader from the start (I adored Amelia Bedelia) .
I - Intelligent and curious. 
S - Sarcastic as can be.
T - Tenacious, of course!
I - Impeccably good taste in picking a husband (and raising a son).
N - Nonsensical, completely nonsensical (just like Elizabeth Bennett...LOVE Jane Austen!)

Kristin, perfectly imperfect in every possible way!

Project 31: Day 17

Today I am going to have to play catch up.  Yesterday was NOT a good day folks.  One of the "oh my heavens, I'm a failure as a mother" kind of days.  I'll write about that when I'm a little more stable emotionally...and that is not today.

Day 17: Write about 3 things that make you happy.  I like this.

This fella!  Happy doesn't even describe the way he makes me feel. LOVE that sweet face.

I realize this is pathetic, but I LOVE my bed.  Sad, but true.  It could be because I never see it anymore, but I love it nonetheless.  My heart does a little flip every time I pull the covers over my head.  :-)

I know some of you hate this stuff, but snow sends me over the moon with delight.  I love it.  I'm SO heartbroken when those weather people predict it and we get some ridiculously small covering.  I LOVE snow!  It doesn't hurt when that handsome man on the left (not the horse) is there to enjoy it with me. 

Project 31: Day 15 & 16

The challenge for Day 15 is to write to encourage a friend and for Day 16 is to tell a young girl in your life what beauty means.  I have two sisters, one of which is about to get herself hitched and the other is still finding her way in this world.  I figured since I consider my sisters friends and they will always be little girls to me, I'd kill two birds with one stone.  :-)  I think this message is more pertinent to the "finding her way" sister, but both of you can appreciate it.

Babygirl,


I hope you never forget that you were born 100% perfect, just the way you are.  Never try to fit someone else's idea of who or what you should be.  Life is about dancing to your own music.  Learn to enjoy the little moments.  

You have the best sense of humor I've ever encountered.  You have no idea how valuable you are to everyone that truly matters in your life.  Once you find your purpose, all the other pieces will fall into place.  

You are beautiful inside and out.  Not because you wear the right clothes, or dye your hair the right color, or have a great guy.  You are beautiful because of your spirit.  Your zest for the good in life is fantastic.  I love watching you talk to Emory.  Your conversations with him crack me up.  Emory has a awesome family!

We love you and hope you learn to love yourself too!  You have so much to offer the world.  Harness your potential and cultivate it!

Always,
Me

Project 31: Day 13

I can't seem to keep up.  Technically I should be writing Day 15's post.  First for 13 though!


What would you like to change about yourself for the better?

~Worry less!  This is a huge struggle for me.  If I got paid for stressing, well I'd buy Oprah's network from her.  I KNOW that I am suppose to pray and place things at the Lord's feet.  I do.  Then I turn around and pick them right back up.  Oh ME of little faith!  I've always been fairly self-sufficient, which is great in life but horrible for your walk with God.

~Give more!  I need to give more time to my child, more love to my husband, and more kindness to the world around me.  Kinda generic, but it's true.

~Live with abandon!  This is a new goal of mine.  I'm trying to shake off the expectations and opinions of others and live my life the way I see fit.  I only need to worry about pleasing God.  It's liberating.  Scary, but liberating!

Project 31: Day 12

I am not sure I should be allowed to write this post today.  This week has been one trying week.  I feel like I'm digging my feet in and praying for everything to stop falling around me (I've got a flare for the dramatic).

Today's prompt is to write about what wears me out as a woman. 

I can deal with physical fatigue.  I'm a champ.  I can rally around those sleepless nights and keep my productivity levels sky high.  I can do all the menial tasks that befall a housewife.  I can even tolerate some lengthy days with a teething baby.

I can't deal with rejection.  I'm not talking about a job rejection.  I'm not talking about a door slammed in your face when you're trying to sell the latest vacuum cleaner system.  I'm talking about personal rejection.  I find myself trying to determine whether people will like me based on what I say or do.

Lately, I've determined that I just don't care.  Maybe it's exhaustion.  Maybe it's indifference.  Maybe it's maturing past this superficial phase in life.  Whatever the case, I'm sorry, but now there are more important aspects of my life.

Here's an example: I started to put a Bible verse up today on facebook.  No big deal right?  I actually found myself second guessing whether I should do that because I may upset people that don't share my beliefs.  Everyone wants to be like don't they?  I have friends and family members that are so far from my belief system that we may as well be night and day.  I decided I don't care.  I'm not rude to them.  They don't have to believe what I do (although, I will say that my God is an awesome God).

So why do I care about people that seldom interact with me?  Rejection is personal.  On any level it feels like a sucker punch to the gut.  Maybe this is universal, but I feel like women worry about this more.  Men aren't emotional creatures.  We are.  I find myself vested in people (despite their lack of presence or impact in my life).

I started a Bible study this month.  I've had this nagging feeling for a while.  I contacted a bunch of ladies that I knew in the area.  Some I had not spoken to in years.  I didn't care.  I felt a calling.  Guess what?  I had some "no thank yous".  I had some "maybes".  However, I had a lot of "YES you have no idea how much I needed this" as well.  The group of ladies that meet in my home every other Thursday are awesome!  Rejection, for once, didn't win. 

I'm tired of carrying that burden around with me.  I promise to like you for whatever you are and whatever you believe.  I hope you feel the same towards me.  If not, that's ok.  I'm from the South, I know how to kill with kindness.  ;-)

Project 31: Day 11 (A Little Late)

Y'all know I love some cold weather.  My taste buds, however, love Spring.  We believe in some fruit in the Harris household.  Fresh fruit is ALWAYS within arm's reach.  Lately, I've been a little sad because strawberries are officially OUT.  :-(  I try to buy from local farmers and produce stands, so they have none of these delightful little treasures at my usual stops until Spring rolls back around.

Day 11 is a day for dishes!  I'm suppose to post one of my favorite recipes with a picture.  I didn't get to make this scrumptious dish this past year, what with having a baby and surgery it just completely slipped my mind!  However, do this!  Save it for next year.  ONLY MAKE IT ONCE A YEAR!  That's my warning.  You will be the size of a house if you make it regularly.  Want to know why?

It's Paula Deen's Strawberry Delight, and good heavens it is slap your mama AMAZING!  You can find the super easy recipe here.  Take my word on this.  I've been making it for years and it's always a hit.  The recipe calls for frozen sweetened strawberries, but we don't do those in our house.  Buy fresh!  If you must add a little bit of sugar and let them sit for a few hours in the fridge, but most of the time if they are fresh they are sweet enough.  Plus the rest of the recipe is rich enough to compensate for any lack of sweetener on your strawberries.

I totally did not take this picture (it's from this blog), but this is essentially what the dessert looks like upon completion.

Let me know what you think about this little concoction!  I can't take credit.  That Paula, she sure does know how to make things taste great (even if it does have half a day's worth of calories in it).

Project 31: Day 10

What is Jesus teaching you as a wife, mom, or friend (or just a woman in general)?

As a Wife - I would be lying if I said that I didn't think about fibbing a little on this one.  I think everyone likes to portray their marriages as "perfect," but let's be honest it's two people working together to make a family.  There are bound to be moments of strife.

Having a baby changes everything.  I don't think I can say that enough.  I don't mean this in a bad way, but Phillip went from being my top priority to somewhere on my top five after Emory, housewife duties, washing spit up off me, etc.  Want to know where skewed priorities send a marriage?  Onto the roller coaster of disconnectedness.  That's largely why we started Project 52.

I would find myself getting so frustrated with things that Phillip would do or say that wouldn't normally have bothered me.  None of that is Phillip's fault necessarily, it's my short fuse from over-extending myself.  So I'm learning to prioritize and hold my tongue (some days are better than others).  Patience is a virtue I've never ever possessed and I'm convinced that the Lord is using this season in my life to teach me how to become an patient person. 

As a mama - Holy moly I could write a book.  Most importantly, I'm learning how to love in an unconditional way.  I'm convinced that the love a parent possesses for their child is the closest we can ever come to understanding how much God loves us.

I also have a HUGE problem with control.  Guess what you can't control with a baby?  ANY and EVERYTHING!  From being on time for church to missing lunch dates because someone is teething and not suitable for a public appearance.  I can't control whether he gets sick or whether he's 100% healthy.  I can try my hardest, but there are things that will happen in Emory's life that are simply going to have to be placed in the Lord's hands.  Granted they are great and mighty hands, but for some reason I keep trying to think mine are better.  How foolish of me!  This is where I'm beginning to learn the power of prayer!

Lastly as a mom, the good Lord is continuing this lifelong lesson of relinquishing worry into His hands.  I am an admitted professional worrier.  Seriously, vacations usually have to be kept to fairly short half-week increments because I start to visualize our house up in flames with our precious pups inside or the cat turning on a water faucet and flooding the entire place.  Having a baby only made those fears exponentially worse.  I've gotten better about leaving Emory.  In fact, I just accepted a job working a whole 4 hours a week.  So I'll be leaving Emory with a babysitter for 3 hours for two days a week!  True progress for me!  Not to mention, Phillip and I booked a trip to The Homestead for our anniversary.  Luckily, Emory has a super awesome Grammy Harris that will be coming up to stay with him for the four days we're away.  I'm sure it will kill me to leave him, but I know he's in fantastic hands.

Progress is a-brewin' in this household and the Lord's the one stirring the pot!  What's our sweet Jesus teaching you in your life???

Project 31: Day 9

Maybe this is just the woman in me, but I find it much easier to recognize the faults in myself rather than the redemptive qualities.  However, today I am suppose to talk about the virtues I value in myself.

Honesty - Granted, and I've said this many times before, I am brutally honest so I need to work on that.  However, I admire that trait in people.  It's a characteristic that I hope to encourage in our son.

Compassion - Oddly enough when I was typing this my dear friend sent me a text saying that she returned home from a trip and found that her beloved pet had passed.  My heart literally sank to my stomach.  Don't get me wrong, I'm an animal lover for sure, but this pet was literally a huge portion of her world.  My heart hurts for her.  I am thankful that I can empathize with the people in my life rather easily.  It gives me the desire to connect with them and try to make their lives a little better.

Loving mother - This is probably my favorite.  Does Emory have the finest clothing?  Nope.  Will he have to work for some of the things he wants in life?  You bet.  Does he have two parents that promise to lovingly admonish and encourage him?  Absolutely!!!  This is the greatest role God has even given me.  It's more rewarding and challenging than anything I could ever imagine.  I'm not perfect at this role.  I've already had days that ended with me feeling like a failure, but I was blessed enough to wake up the next morning and try all over again.

Project 31: Day 8

This challenge makes me laugh.  I'm suppose to share a beauty secret.

Are you kidding me? 

I have none.  I consider my day a success if I get a shower and fix my hair.  I am lucky.  I take after my dad's side of the family.  They have great skin.  In fact, I have a bad habit of going to bed without washing my make-up off.  Fortunately, I've never really had a problem with acne or anything.

The only real suggestion I have is total common sense...WEAR SUNSCREEN DAILY!  I use a moisturizer on my face that has a SPF of 25.  Even if I don't put make-up on, I still use the moisturizer with SPF (specifically Mary Kay's TimeWise Day Solution pictured below).  This happens to work well for my skin because I've found that a lot of moisturizers leave my skin looking oily.  This doesn't.  Love it!

Source

Project 31: Day 7

Day 7's challenge is to write a post encouraging another beautiful woman.  I thought long and hard about the potential candidates and finally settled on one amazing lady.  You see, I have this wonderfully hilarious friend from college.  I think we owe our friendship to Chaucer, Ovid, Virgil, and the like (and we can both recite the Prologue to the Canterbury Tales in Middle English...you should be so lucky).  She's been through her share of ups and downs, but has kept a pretty positive attitude through it all.  Maybe I felt the need to write this to her due to how drastically her friendship has impacted my life. So with no further adieu:

To F. Scott's mistress and the Bieb's cougar,

I don't know that this post will make sense to anyone but you, and I'm not quite sure I care.  Friendship, I've learned, is largely defined not by the amount of time you've spent together but in the dedication and love you invested in that relationship.  Oddly enough, I can't remember the day we met or what we talked about.  I remember passing notes while Dr. Grathwohl lectured, I remember a pink jacket that should be framed for all the wear and tear it endured, I remember your encouraging words when I carried a horrific brick around for a week, and I remember your laugh.

I bet you didn't know this, but I'm persuaded that your laugh gives life to those around you.  There have been countless days when your random sense of humor has pulled me back off that proverbial ledge.  I love going out to restaurants and watching people wonder why you are so happy (it could be because you just scored a box of fortune cookies since you weren't happy with the one you first received).  It is infectious, but not in a CDC kind of way.  :-)  

You have no idea how valued you are.  You have a magnetic personality.  Your friends want nothing more than to see all of your dreams come rolling into your lap.  You deserve it...AND SO MUCH MORE.  I know you have rough days and I want you to know that I will always be here to carry any burden with you so you don't have to bare the weight alone.  Imagine Atlas except the two of us instead of him, a couple strands of pearls, preppy (or any) clothing, and some oolong tea:

Picture Source

"Bare one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

Galations 6:2

I know not every day is sunshine and roses, but I don't think you should ever go a day without hearing how spectacular you are.  Granted this isn't the most eloquent post, but the message is sincere.  Love you...more than rentamidget.com!

Who could you encourage today?

Project 31: Day 6 (a day late)

Begging forgiveness, yesterday was INSANE in the membrane.  (Yes, I just typed that.)

BIG day yesterday - I got a job and I started a Bible study!  This post isn't about either of those things, BUT the "job" is a supervising teacher position with a local tutorial agency.  Yay!  This keeps me in the educational field without being full-time.  I only work 4 hours a week!  That means no big days away from Emory AND a resume booster if the time comes when I decide to seek a full-time position.

As per the Bible study, I moved back here and had a serious issue with not being able to connect personally around this joint.  So I decided to take a leap of faith after having this nagging urge to start a group for a few years.  Guess what?  Satan totally tried to kick my butt (and the derrieres of other members).  Seriously, there are 15 ladies committed to this group and seven of us made it.  Granted, three of which I knew about before and were simply scheduling issues (which is totally understandable with a group that large).  However, all in one week the following happened: one girl got meningitis, one had emergency surgery, two had last minute school and work issues, etc.  Seriously?  Guess what we did?  We had Bible study anyway!  It was a great success.  I am so excited about this group of ladies!  I know there are great things in store for us!!!

On to Day 6!  Question: Has the world's definition of beauty ever jaded you?  

Answer: BEEP YES!  I'm going to be real honest here.  I struggled for a little over 10 years with eating/body image issues.  I think everyone has a past when it comes to body image (and if you don't stop now and THANK GOD).

I have to credit Phillip for helping me through a lot of that.  I also think that with age comes a sense of confidence that is simply lacking when you're an adolescent.  Am I the most gorgeous thing in the world by society's standards?  NOPE!  Does that bother me?  NOT ONE LITTLE BIT!  Want to know why?  I have so much more to offer the world than just my looks.  Attractiveness, according to the world's definition, looks a little more like Gisele Bundchen and a little less like a 27 year old version of Paula Deen.  Guess which one I favor?  I am smart, witty, kind, loving, etc., etc., etc.  Is any of that taken into account when determining beauty in our world?  Not really.

So yes, I've been jaded and dismayed.  I'm SO happy have moved passed that phase of my life.  That's not to say that I don't struggle with self-doubt and the occasional body image issue, but I certainly don't obsessively live by them like I did previously.  Plus, "the King is enthrall by [my] beauty; honor Him, for He is your Lord" (Psalm 45:11).  Guess who thinks I'm pretty?  ;-)

Just something to think about - I remember reading years ago about a breast cancer survivor that never saw herself as beautiful until she had a mastectomy and endured her fight for life.  I think it's telling and beautiful that only after the vanity was ripped away that she realized all that she was and had to offer the world. 

Who needs the world's dictionary to define beauty?  I am my own Merriam-Webster!  :-P  Look at me go!!!

Just a little Friday shout out to that man of mine!  Love you Sweet P!

Project 31: Day 5

Day 5's challenge is to write a post thanking someone that has made your heart come alive.  I think this is going to be incredibly difficult for me for much the same reason that I've yet to be able to document Emory's birth story.  Raw emotions are tough for me to deal with, and much, much more challenging for me to put into words (be they written or spoken).

I don't want this whole project to be about motherhood, but I honestly don't know that my heart ever fully loved until the day Emory was born.  (Seriously, I'm already tearing up.  See, very hard for this lady.)  Don't get me wrong, I adore me some Phillip.  I have a wonderful family that blesses me daily with support.  However, there's something different and completely indescribable about the love you have for your own child.  So, cheers to Emory:

My sweet boy,

Do you know what your smile does for my heart?  I always knew I wanted to be a mommy, but I never would have imagined that God would reward me with someone as amazing as you.  Every time you look at me with those big brown eyes, or flash that gummy grin, or grab my finger as tight as you can my heart melts all over. 

We were so excited when we finally found out that you were on the way.  Our doctor looked at you about two months ago and said, "It was a hard fought conception, a very difficult pregnancy, and a rough few months to begin with, but he looks like he was worth every second."  You know what?  You were.  I would do it all over again...times ten. 

I was so proud of you from the very beginning.  I think you have a little bit of my stubbornness because you sure did fight.  We got to see you a whole lot while you were in my tummy because the doctors decided you were high risk.  I remember going in for what should have been a normal appointment and being rushed down stairs to be induced.  Did you know that I was planning on going grocery shopping that day?  They told me you would be in the NICU because you were refusing to move, stopped practicing breathing, and weren't responsive.  Guess what?  You showed them!  You weighed almost a pound more than they estimated AND you never left our room.  (They tried to take you one night to the nursery, but I cried so they brought you back.  You were much stronger than I even then.) 

You make each day so exciting!  I have never been a morning person...EVER.  It didn't take long before I started loving those early morning giggles and chats.  You are the best person to take walks with, especially on the farm.  You love to take everything in.  I think you get that strong, silent thing from your Daddy.  However once you have a place figured out, you make your presence known.  I have to say that I love watching you learn and grow.  Seeing you absorb all the world has to offer is intoxicating. 

I was pretty happy with my life before you, but I always knew something was missing.  I never knew that SOMETHING SO LITTLE COULD MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE.  Someone gave us a little magnet as part of a gift at one of our showers, so I hung on the refrigerator because the words remind me of you:

"Just when you think you know love, something little comes along to remind you just how big it really is." 

Little Man, some days you make me feel like my heart is going to jump right out of my chest with delight.  I'm sure you and I will tread rough waters in the future, but I always want you to remember that you are the reason I get out of bed every day.  I don't do it because I have to, but instead because I can't wait to see how much better our bond will be today than it was yesterday. 

I love you Sweet E.  You are the light in my life.  Thank you for making me come alive.  

Big slobbery kisses to you,

(So blessed to be able to sign this as) Your Mama

Who makes you come alive?  Thank them today (even if they don't understand a word you're saying).

Project 31: Day 3

Who is someone you know who inspires beauty?

This one is difficult for me to answer because I feel incredibly blessed to be surrounded by precious individuals that have made so many positive impacts on my life.  I grew up with a great family.  We had our issues like any other family, but at the end of the day we were there for each other.  I was blessed to see lasting love and companionship in all of the relationships that meant the most in my life.  

When I married Phillip I was thrown into a family much bigger and closer than my own.  There are pros and cons to this as well, but boy do they love each other!  I told Phillip once a few years ago that when I married him I got not one, not two, not three, but essentially FOUR mother-in-laws.  His mama is the best, and you better bet she loves her son.  She would do anything for us.  Now that I've had Emory, I have to say that the mother/son bond is beyond anything I could ever describe.  Then there was Grandma Taylor.  I know families aren't suppose to play favorites, but ask anyone in Phillip's family who Grandma loved the best and they will say Phillip.  I'm not sure why, but he was the go-to guy.  She adored that boy.  It literally broke his heart the day she passed away.  Phillip was also raised in part by Ms. Miriam, his best friend's mom.  Heavens bless her heart!  I just know from dealing with Phillip and Christopher as adults that I would have lost my mind looking after them as teenagers.  She and Mr. McNair welcomed Phillip into their family as one of their own, and I have all suspicions that this completely changed his life.

Lastly, there's Aunt Diane.  She is someone that I think of when I hear the word beauty.  There are so many reasons why I ADORE this woman.  She's the first person in Phillip's family that I developed a close relationship with.  She's been our gracious hostess for 6+ years now when we visit Florence (and when we come so does ALL of our baggage...baby, dogs, most of our house, and occasionally college friends of mine).  She has such a warm, welcoming spirit with everyone she encounters.  

You see, Aunt Diane has Lupus.  There have been MANY days when we've been down there when she will kill herself cooking for their entire extended family all the while feeling miserable.  If there is anyone I can think of that epitomizes the servant's heart persona it's her.  She never complains, she loves her family, her door is always opened, AND (get this) despite the troubles that come her way she remains an optimist. 

I want to be like this! I am nearly always concerned when how I look or how my house will be perceived.  She isn't.  She keeps a clean house, but she doesn't fret over the small stuff.  She puts herself together, but doesn't obsess over clothing or appearances.  She certainly didn't have a great year in 2010, but she never let it alter her mood because tomorrow would come and bring a brighter times.  Let's just say she's a far cry from this self-admitted whiner and pessimist extraordinaire! 

There is no way I could adequately sing her praises, but to say that she's an inspiration is a start.  I pray I am open enough to allow the Lord to cultivate a servant's heart in me half as rich as Aunt Diane's.  She inspires beauty.

Who inspired beauty in your life?

Project 31: Day 2

Is it bad that I'm beyond exhausted and I just had a whole weekend of being in town?  I'm about to fall asleep as I'm posting, but I am determined to make this Project 31 thing last.  So kind readers, if you will pardon any grammatical errors I will attempt to answer Day 2's question.

What makes you uniquely you?

This one is a doozie!  I am not sure where to start, but I know the first word that comes to mind is "honest."  Now, this is both a negative and a positive thing.  You see honesty is good, but I've learned (the hard way) that delivery and timing are key.  So while someone may appreciate a candid individual, I'm sure they appreciate them much more when they have focused on the words they are relaying their message with as much as the message itself.  I've gotten better, but there is still a ways to go on this one.

Here are some of the pros:

• Christian - I am not ashamed of the fact that I was born and raised in the Bible Belt, but in no way did this automatically baptize me into the Christian world.  I accepted Christ as my Savior when I was younger and grew up trying to learn more about Him.  I will say that my collegiate years did a lot for me in the way of shaping how I individually dealt with and approached the subject of faith.  The convictions I have regarding my faith resulted from hours and hours of devotional time and incessant praying.  I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be, but I now feel grounded in my beliefs.
• Wife/Mother - I think this goes without saying, but I thought one boy had changed me more than I ever could/would.  Then this little 6 pound 12 ounce bundle of love came along and threw my world for a loop.  Let's just say that without these two I wouldn't be a portion of the woman I am today.
• Family - Phillip and I both come from close families.  We were blessed to be raised with not only our nuclear family, but our grandparents were never far.  During the summers we would get to go to work with my parents.  We would deliver plants to all the florist in North and South Carolina.  My granddaddy worked with my dad for a while.  So every day we'd either get to ride with one of them.  We had to unload trucks full of plants from Florida.  We had to keep the house clean.  We did a lot of stuff when we were little, but from what I can remember we had fun learning how to work.  My dad and I were talking recently and he said that if there was one thing my sisters and I should be able to say of him and they way we were raised around their business, it is that we walked away with true work ethic...and we did.  We knew that greenhouses were hot and humid, but if we wanted money before we could drive and go get a job we had to work there.  We plan on raising Emory the same way.  I would love to give him everything he has ever wanted, but that's not healthy nor is it realistic.  We want him to work for it.  Something tells me that he'll thank us for it later.  
• Hospitable/Caring - I've always been fairly good about doing what I can to help other people.  My goal lately is to not focus so much on the size of my house or how nicely it's decorated.  Instead, I want to be a good steward of what the Lord has given us.  I want to open my home to friends and family ANYTIME.  Previously, I would have apologized had my house not been spotless.  Not now.  Here's my story: I'm a mom of a 5 month old, I have 2 dogs, a lack of sleep, and a 30 year old husband who, despite his best efforts, keeps getting lost on the way to the hamper.  Will you see a fur ball?  Maybe.  Will I look gorgeous?  Probably not.  Will Phillip's uniforms ever all be corralled properly?  Not likely.  I realized I had hang ups with all of these things.  Why?  I learned a lot from Phillip's grandma when she was alive.  One of those things is that the time you can spend with friends and family is time you can't get back.  Those fur balls will be there later, my guests (if they truly love me) won't mind if I don't have my hair fixed and I'm running around in yoga pants, and Phillip's uniforms can all be wrangled in once I've seen that my guests are cared for and had a nice visit.  In fact, I'm starting a Bible study for ladies this Thursday.  This is a big step for me because I am 99.9% sure that there is no way my house will look presentable.  I don't care.  It's about the fellowship and growth in Christ, not my presentation.

Now for the not so pretty side of things:

• OCD - I wish I were kidding, but I'm not.  I think Emory is going to break me of this.  My house is already driving me nuts and he's not even mobile.  I'm too tired to relentlessly check outlets and light switches.  I am so thankful for help folding towels that I don't even care if they are not stacked properly in the closet.
• Stressed/Worried - I think this goes without saying for any woman, but almost anything that could trouble a person troubles me.  I wish it weren't the case, but it is.  Heavens help me when Emory is a teenager.  I'm gonna bubble wrap the child.  I've learned recently that when those worried and stressors come up to take that as a sign from the Lord and pray for peace.  Sometimes I have to pray about a specific thing several times a day, but the momentary peace is completely worth it.
• Cynical - I think this has yielded the sarcasm in me, but it's true.  I am such a pessimist.  I always expect the worst from a person.  I trust NO ONE.  Perhaps that's why I'm fairly self-sufficient, but it doesn't lend itself to healthy relationships. 

I'm sure there is more, but I am about to pass out as I am typing.  What makes you unique?